


Thrice

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-01
Updated: 2006-08-08
Packaged: 2019-01-19 20:54:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12417966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: MWPP era, Lily is entering her sixth year during the peak of voldemorts destruction. All she wants is to live through it all, but all James wants is for her to say his first name, and together they deal with living. Read+review





	1. Reunions

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

Disclaimer: Of course I’m JK Rowling, the only plausible reason I haven’t finished the HP series is because I’m to busy writing fanfiction! 

Note: This is my first HP fic but I’ve been an L/J fan for a long time, I’m looking for a beta so I apologize if this fic needs some work but I’ll try to get a beta as soon as possible. Please review, it makes me feel really good and motivates me to update.

 

  Swearing under her breath and pushing a cart laden with heavy trunks and an irritated owl clucking loudly, Lily Evan’s definitely stood out in King’s Cross station. She had taken the Knight bus with the impression she’d get to platform 9 ¾ faster then if she had been driven by her parents, and there was the benefit of not arguing with them for an hour, Lily had been wrong. Now she had five minutes to discreetly get to the platform, hop the train, and find a compartment while avoiding the Marauders. Lily was stressed.

  Dressed in the standard Hogwarts female uniform Lily also had a tie knotted around her neck even though only boys were supposed to, fluorescent blue nail polish glinting as she wheeled her cart about, and shimmering green eyeliner making her already striking eyes pop. If she could choose Lily would prefer to be a wallflower, to let others lead, but unfortunately Lily just wasn’t the type to fade. Her laced boots clacked on the cement floor as she sprinted up to the barrier dashing through with a flash of long, layered red hair.

  The platform was full of activity; mothers were fussing over their children as hellos whistled around Lily’s ears. She took a moment to absorb the atmosphere knowing she would only be taking the Hogwart’s express for a new school year once after this journey and it dampened her mood for a second. Regaining her composure Lily put up her trunk and boarded the cherry red train, a bittersweet expression on her face.

  After wandering around the train’s hall aimlessly Lily eventually found the compartment that from Alice and Marlene’s high-pitched laughing must be hers. Sliding open the door Lily greeted her friends, “Alice! Marlene!” 

  “Lily!” they chorused together. 

  Alice Knowles and Marlene McKinnon pulled her into a tight hug. As Alice’s honey hair got in her mouth and Marlene’s sharp nails dug in her back Lily pushed away some of the troubling thoughts that ailed her and lost herself in the familiarity of her best friends. Marlene was a Ravenclaw, and Alice a Hufflepuff but Lily still considered them to be her closest friends, they were some of the few cliques to not share a common house, but that didn’t matter to them, they were all smart, prefects, and congenial to most. Sometimes Lily felt lonely in Gryffindor house  

  Breaking away Marlene started her usual interrogation of Lily after a summer apart, “Why didn’t you owl me all summer?”

  Lily’s expression darkened, “Dad put a padlock on Athena’s cage and only took it off when I threatened to call child services.”

  “Why’d he do that?” Alice asked with concern.

  Lily sighed loudly and sank into one of the compartment’s seats, “I told them everything. About Voldemort, about the war, even how I’m planning on being an auror.”

  “What did they say,” Marlene asked her eyes wide.

  A cold laugh rattled against Lily’s throat, “Dad told me I couldn’t come back to Hogwarts so I threatened to leave them forever, Petunia refuses to speak to me, and Mum has been using the cooking brandy for recreation.”

  After the Prewitt family had been murdered Lily’s eyes were opened as was much of the wizarding world, they were a prominent pureblood family who publicly spoke up about muggleborn rights, then they were killed. She knew muggleborns were being killed but she’d never really been scared but when the Prewitt’s were brutally murdered Lily felt terrified for her family. 

  Petunia had been married that summer, she and her husband wanted children and Lily couldn’t let her sister bring a child into a world where cowards would kill Lily’s entire family because of archaic mindsets. Years later when Lily had to decide to have a child and risk orphaning him or stay childless and let the family name die with her and James, Lily would remember her words to Petunia and feel her heart clench.

  “It’ll be okay Lily,” Alice comforted her blue eyes motherly.

  “God I hope so, because I can’t stand thinking I’ll get killed and they’ll still be upset with me,” Lily’s voice cracked with pain as she pulled the pins that had been keeping her curtain of red hair up and let if fall in tangled strands around her face to hide her budding tears. 

  “Don’t say that! You will not get killed Lily!” Marlene reprimanded her tone brittle; sixteen year olds should never accept their death.

  Lily hated feeling sorry for herself, it was useless, “You’re right Marly, I’ll probably die at a ripe old age from tripping over one of my eighteen cats.”

  “I can’t believe you can make jokes about this,” Alice said quietly.

  “I have to Alice,” she needed Alice of all people to understand that humor gave her power over the situation, Lily needed that.

  Alice gave a small smile, “You would have eighteen cats.”

  “Damn straight,” Lily grinned, they laughed out of relief that the tension had been broken.

*^*

  While the girls were laughing hysterically over nothing in particular the four boys who were always laughing were fairly serious as they discussed an important matter.

  “So James what will you say when you see her,” Remus Lupin inquired hands folded.

  James Potter smiled and answered readily, “I’ll say, ‘Hello Evans how was your summer’?”

  “More like you’ll babble incoherently before asking her out,” Sirius Black snorted skeptically. 

“Or ask her out and _then_ babble incoherently,” Peter Pettigrew added, receiving a congratulatory smirk from Sirius and glares from James and Remus.

  Glowering at his best friends, excluding Remus he once again turned to his sandy-haired, _helpful_ best friend, “That was good, right Remus?”

  “Well James you were great except for calling her Evans, you have to call her by her first name if you want to accomplish your goal,” Remus said tiredly as James pulled off his wire rimmed glasses to rub his eyes in frustration as he recalled his goal.

_Over the summer James had time to brood over his relationship with Lily Evans, they parted for the holidays with her hating him more then ever because of the Snape Incident as it was referred to by the marauders, and he wasn’t happy about it. Five years James had been chasing Lily, competing with her in academics thinking she’d admire his intelligence, and showing off at Quidditch to impress her, and all he’d accomplished was make Lily despise him. At one meeting with his friends during tea he decided to change tactics with Remus’s help:_

_“She hates me,” James had moaned mournfully stabbing his scone with his butter knife._

_“Bloody right she does, I’ve never seen anyone get that upset over Snivellus’ well being,” Sirius replied._

_“Not that he deserves it,” Peter volunteered._

_James scowled at Sirius, “Thanks mates.”_

_“I’m just being supportive,” he simpered sarcastically._

_“James, if you want Lily you’re already half-way there,” Remus explained._

_Quirking an eyebrow James looked bewildered, “What do you mean?”_

_“I may not be a close friend of Lily’s and I certainly am not an expert about her but I do know some things about her. She hates it when people don’t speak up, she wants someone who’ll argue with her, challenge her and you do that constantly. Lily is extremely modest, she truly thinks she’s not a great witch,” Remus analyzed acutely._

_Outrage flitted across James’ expression, “She’s blood amazing at magic! Even the Slytherins know it!”_

_“ **We** know that, but she doesn’t,” Remus said irritated, “She’s not insecure she’s just uncomfortable with flaunting herself, one of the things she hates about you. Lily is a feminist, she hates being thought as unequal because she’s a woman, you’re naturally gentlemen from your upbringing but when you’re around her…”_

_“I become a sexist prat,” James grumbled despairingly._

_Remus nodded, “Exactly. If you want Lily you have to know her, not like the little things I’ve picked up from Prefect patrols, really know her. And if you want to know her you have to be her friend and you’re miles away from that now.”_

_“How am supposed to befriend a girl who swears every time I come near her?” James exclaimed._

_“In three different bloody languages!” Sirius supplied with a smirk._

_“Stuff it Padfoot,” James scolded turning back to Remus._

_Staring hard at his friend Remus continued, “You have to start small and build from that, what is your goal for Lily when we come back to school?”_

_James contemplated Remus’ words, “Be her friend?”_

_“Smaller.”_

_“Um, have a civil conversation?”_

_“Even smaller.”_

_“Get her to use my first name?” James asked despretley._

_“Perfect.”_

  “Yes Remus I remember my goal, but it didn’t seem so hopeless when I wouldn’t see her for months,” James whined.

  Sirius gave James a bored gaze, “I still don’t think she’s worth it.” 

  “How do you figure?” James inquired curiously; Lily was undeniably perfect for him. 

  She was smart, funny, beautiful, and wonderfully weird. He knew from casual stalking that she loved testing people, getting rises and fucking with their minds was fun for her, he should know. James knew that she wrote in violet ink and was constantly sucking on a sugar quill, she went off for hours with no one knowing where she was, she pushed the dress code to fluster McGonagall and set Slughorn straight. 

  Slytherins admired her even though she was a muggleborn; they for the most part stayed away from her because they knew that no one that crossed Lily Evans would escape unscathed. She had lengthy debates with Hagrid over magical creature rights when most students were too scared to approach him, and she walked with this ease about her that made him feel that if he could just get close enough he’d feel at ease too.

  “Well first of all the bint has succeeded in making you miserable numerous times, secondly she defends Slytherins including my twat of a brother, and thirdly she’s-she’s odd!” Sirius huffed like a seven year old trying to explain why girls were yucky. 

  Sirius Black was horribly resentful of one Lily Evans, she screwed up everything. His best friend was willing to do anything for her except leave her alone, even though all she did was hurt him, her biting wit and excellent hexes made sure of that. No matter what how many times he tried to discourage James from her, telling him that even if she ever agreed to give him a chance it would end with both of their hearts shattered, Lily knew this. Sirius never questioned Lily’s avoidance of James, she was smart enough to know what Sirius knew, she would get hurt, and for all his antagonism towards her he didn’t think Lily deserved that.

  As James thought about the oddness of Lily Evans a dreamy look entered his visage, 

  “Yeah, she really is.”

*^*

  So what do you think? I was trying to stray away from the classic Lily archetype: prude, uptight, prefect girl, with many annoying yet endearing traits. I mean no disrespect for the other authors I just imagine Lily as being more…strange and likeable. Should I continue? Please review and tell me! Also if anyone is interested in being my beta please e-mail me at gileadgrrl13@yahoo.com -Violet

    

 

 


	2. Choices

Disclaimer: I’m so not JK it’s not even funny. Not that it’s usually funny…

Note: Thank you everyone who read my last chapter and special thanks to my beloved reviewers Gulistanlik, Tate_Dean, and my anonymous reviewer. I updated because of you guys!  In this chapter I really wanted to show some conflict between not just James but Sirius as well with Lily, because although I think they were probably good friends I doubt it started out that way. Anyway this chapter came to be from delirious happiness at reviews and insomnia, so all suggestions are welcome, sorry to rant so long-Violet

  In what seemed like the blink of an eye Lily and James found themselves in walking distance from the castle they had grown up in. Gripping her trunks with pale hands Lily let the familiar sound of Hagrid calling, “Firs’ years! Firs’ years!” wash over her. On her first sighting of Hogwarts Lily had been so fascinated by the castle she almost fell into the murky lake, since then she kept a respective distance from the beckoning water, it was safer that way. 

  Marlene and Alice were jabbering about some Irish Quidditch player who was apparently not only ‘extremely fit,’ but, ‘brilliant,’ and, ‘utterly fanciable,’ Lily didn’t care much for Quidditch, she liked flying but not playing so her knowledge of the players was very slim. While Hagrid gathered the terrified eleven year olds Lily watched as James Potter and his merry men stalked towards her.

  James looked a bit green in the face and his eyes took turns looking at his feet and looking at Lily with that deer in the headlights look. Eventually he remembered how to make vowel sounds and addressed the red head wearily, “Er, um, Hi Evans-I mean Lily, was your uh summer good?”

  “Surprisingly painless, but since it was a whole two and a half months away from you it’s not that surprising really,” Lily replied skeptically, immediately on her guard, James was never nervous, he was always confident to the point of being insufferable.

  “I’m sorry, just wanted to be civilized to you for once,” James mumbled.

  “That’s a laugh; it’s only taken you, what, six years to try that one out? If you think a few act of chivalry will suddenly give me an epiphany, then you are wasting your time!” Lily shouted, she was emotionally drained from the heart to heart she had just had with her friends and she was in no mood for games.

  “Are you always this much of a bitch,” Sirius cut in, his usually jovial manner frigid.

  Lily’s eyes narrowed before she began forming comebacks as easy as she breathed, “I think of myself as more of an eccentric personally.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  “Yes, but I almost forgot, the idea of thought must be foreign to you, Black,” Lily shot back icily.

  Sirius’s handsome features darkened in malice, “Funny, I was just about to say the same about you, Evans.”

  Now they were circling each other like animals, but who was the prey wasn’t clear to James and he was sure he didn’t want to find out, “Sirius lay off mate.”

  “I don’t need your help Potter!” She spat as she gave Sirius a look of pure contempt.

  Lily’s friends stood back, clearly afraid of the present exchange as did James’s. 

  “He’s just trying to get in good with you Evans! Like always, and you have to be as horrible to as possible, like always. Just because he’s the one sane person in the bloody population that gives a damn about you!” Sirius snarled ferally. 

    A spark lit up in Lily at his words and her mind frantically searched for the words that would hurt him the most, “Like you’re one to bloody talk! Had any more relatives become Death eaters? Or impregnated anyone recently? Or have you finally learned how to use the contraceptive charm?” She hissed bitingly.

  “Say one more word and I’ll-”

  “-Do what? Hex an outnumbered and wandless witch from your own house in front of all these teachers who love you so much? Please. You can’t do a damn thing to me,” Lily said viciously as she gestured around them.

  Remus decided he’d stayed dormant long enough as he put a calm grasp on Sirius’ arm and saying, “Sirius lets just go.”

  Sirius still looked livid but shrugged Remus’s hand off, shot one last glare at Lily and piled into a boat as far away from Lily as possible. Alice and Marlene quickly began calming down Lily while the marauders tried to do the same with Sirius.

  James drummed his thumbs against the boats wood planks as they drifted toward the school solemnly, “Sirius! Are you bloody _trying_ to make me look like a prat?”

  “You don’t really need a lot of help there, mate,” Sirius grumbled sourly.

  “This is Lily, Sirius, the girl I’ve been after for almost as long as we’ve been friends! Why are you trying to bugger this up?” James pleaded.

  Sirius sighed, “I’m sorry Prongs, I really am, but the girl of your foggy fantasies just rubs me the wrong way.”

  “Look Padfoot, I don’t bloody care if she bloody tried to kill you in a past life, or if her life’s goal is to make you miserable. If you’re my friend you have to stop giving her more reasons to hate me!” James cried as he ran a hand through his hair.

  After a quiet moment Sirius spoke, “Fine. I’ll try.”

*^*

  Students flooded into the Great Hall hungry, and in two small cliques, angry to see the years sorting. The hat had a grim expression, if hats can look grim, but the chatter died down as his song began,

_There was a time long ago_

_Where four learners learned to know_

_All intelligent, brave, loyal, and clever_

_But each as different as a tempests weather_

_There was Gryffindor never afraid_

_Hufflepuff who seemed to fade_

_Ravenclaw bursting with smarts_

_And Slytherin with his Dark arts_

_If they were all so great_

_Then why the split_

_Why be divided_

_When we could be united_

_The answer you see_

_Lies dead inside me_

_Helga’s favorite hat_

_Torn up by Rowena’s cat_

_They poured their magic into my brim_

_Their expectations all quite slim_

_But lo and behold I appeared_

_None of them knew how the end neared_

_So now only I remain_

_And every September since has heard my refrain_

_Listen close of you may forget_

_The consequences of the ones you reject_

_Because I can only harm if you allow_

_My sorting to furrow your brow_

_As I decide where you’ll go_

_Your destiny your own foe_

_Come up to me one by one,_

_And join in your separate fun_

_But remember what I say_

_For this may be the only way._

  A deafening silence blanketed the hall, as the clear night’s sky above them seemed to cloud, the weight of the hats words beyond loud. Awkward but echoing applause clattered throughout the castle, lightening the somber mood. Briskly, McGonagall called the new first year’s names like nothing had happened. Lily took the chance to contemplate the uncharacteristic song she’s just heard and began to think about the cryptic words.

  When she’d first been sorted into Gryffindor Lily had been ecstatic, she already had befriended Alice and Marlene and was readily accepted by the others in her house. It only took a few days and a few sneers of “Mudblood” to make Lily hate the archaic system she had been placed in. About a quarter of the school hated her without question and she couldn’t do anything about it. Even in the Muggle worlds she was an outsider, not truly belonging to the magical or non-magical realms.

  It was hard enough being the person she was, but at a school where hate was automatic it was even harder. So when that stained, tattered hat sat atop of her head all she could think was she didn’t want to be in the house where the majority was giving her dirty looks. And then *boom* she was in Gryffindor. At the time it seemed like a reasonable choice on the hats part, but now she believed she chose it.

  Why it was that people as cautious as Peter Pettigrew weren’t Hufflepuffs, or as studious as Remus Lupin weren’t Ravenclaws, and why was Sirius Black the first Gryffindor of his family? Because they chose so, they were presented with a choice and even if they didn’t realize it they made a decision. When that hat was on their heads Peter was thinking about making his cold father proud, Remus thought about all the people he could hurt if they weren’t strong enough, and Sirius wondered how much he could brass off his mother.  James however had been mesmerized by a redhead girl already sorted into Gryffindor twirling a spoon absentmindedly in her lap, and tapping a cherry red painted finger against her golden plate. 

  In sixteen years Lily’s theory would be proven right by a scrawny green-eyed boy who was given a choice.

*^*

So what did you guys think? It’s always bugged me that people seemed to be sorted with their friends instead of by their traits like that hat said so I was trying to explain why certain people are sorted into Gryffindor and why others aren’t. Anyway please review so I’ll update faster!-Violet

    

 

 


	3. Confusion

Disclaimer: Alas, my time machine where I traveled back in time and wrote the HP books broke, you’ll have to be satisfied with my fanfic. ;)

Note: I am sooooo sorry for the slow update; I went on vacation for two weeks and my laptop spazzed on me! 

  As she slid down the slick girl’s staircase banister and skipped through the portrait hole, Lily couldn’t help but feel a pang of loneliness well up inside her ribcage. Never before had she been perturbed by being in a different house from Alice and Marlene, but now as they had only two years left, she felt a gap spread between them like a brick wall, Lily had no illusions about the future, she didn’t expect the three of them to meet for tea once a week when they left school or eat sundaes at Diagon Alley. They were moving away from each other and Lily wasn’t even sure if she wanted it another way, which just made her feel impossibly guilty and disloyal, but she had vowed during that horrible summer after fifth year that she was going to make her last two years count. Pushing away her dour thoughts she concentrated on getting through the day in one piece.

  Breakfast was an uncomfortable affair, in-between reading her schedule full of classes without her best friends and avoiding disconcerting looks from Potter, Lily tried to chew her sausage without vomiting. Lily had only one class with Marlene and Alice each, and her first course of the day was Potions, her most dreaded class. Slughorn had an impression that Lily had a ‘gift,’ she hardly thought being able to stir a few ingredients in a pot constituted as being gifted, but she allowed him his supposed delusions.

  She coasted amongst the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff’s tables chatting animatedly with her friends while feeling an almost tangible wedge forming between them but she tried to break through it as she caught up with all of her friends and friends-by-association-friends. Lily found out that Molly Weasley had another son and on a more somber note, more Aurors were using unforgivables on Death eaters and the Voldemort crisis was becoming apparent even to Muggles. Having a summer away from her world had softened the blows of panic from Lily, and she was only more motivated to become an Auror then ever, she wanted to give some of the pain that she owed the Death eaters for their disgusting acts. At the Slytherin table Lily noticed the hungry looks some of the older students were giving her; they were daring her to react to them, to start some violence, she turned right around and directed an icy smirk at their simpers before exiting the Great Hall, her head held high.

  On her way to the dank corridor leading to the Potions chamber Lily was stopped by a tall figure. Bellatrix Black was the most stunning woman Lily had ever met, long silky black hair and blueberry eyes, she was slender with spidery fingers and a cruel smile. In later years Bellatrix would have her beauty slowly evaporate until she eventually became a woman that a sixteen year old Lily Evans would have never recognized, gaunt with an oily mop of hair and a crazed look like an addict, her drug of choice: sadism, but that is not the Bellatrix Lily knew, her Bellatrix never showed her ugliness on her face.

  “Oh, hello Mudblood. Did you have a nice summer with your filthy family? Or have you already been orphaned by the Dark Lord?” The older girl crooned.

  Lily kept her expression decidedly cool as she attempted to breeze past Bellatrix’s words, “At least my ‘filthy family’ aren’t arranging me a marriage or finding me a nice cult like yours have.”

  Bellatrix circled her, a predatory look in her tight-lipped smile, “I’d hold my tongue it I were you, Mudblood. You may be safe here at Hogwarts with all your bloody protectors like Potter, but I wouldn’t get so used to your dirty, defenseless, muggle family, because all He has to do is will it,” she leaned into Lily with spearmint breath, “and blow them to bits.”

  “You know Bellatrix I’d love to listen to another one of your insane rants, but fortunately I have to go to class. And you,” Lily gave Bellatrix a sharp push, “Have to get the hell out of my way.”

  Narrowing her eyes, Bellatrix gave her a steely gaze and right before leaving, reached a slim finger towards Lily and ripped out one of her crimson strands of hair from her scalp. Bellatrix walked away with a dreamy sneer marred on her beautiful face.

*^*

  Shaken from her encounter with Bellatrix, Lily didn’t even realize she was late for Potions when she strode into the dank dungeon. 

  “Late Miss Evans? Oh well I’m sure you had something extremely important to do that made you miss some of my class,” Slughorn simpered, while attempting to chastise, a quick wink in her direction.

  Lily, although not keen to favoritism, decided to humor him, “Of course Professor, I was, uh, doing Prefect duties,” She lied knowing he’d never check up on it anyway.

  “Well now would you take your seat, I’ve already assigned Potions partners, so if you would; please sit over by Mr. Potter,” He told her loudly as she felt her heart sink painfully.

  “Professor, may I ask how our partners were chosen?” Lily inquired frantically, her raspberry nails digging into her palm. 

  In his booming voice Slughorn replied, “By talent of course! What would be the point of the Slug Club if we didn’t give back to the less gifted?”

  “Yes, that makes loads of sense,” Her reply came as she cringed, the embarrassment she had to suffer from an overbearing teacher was much more then she thought she deserved.

  “Besides, the last time Mr. Potter was paired with Mr. Black they turned their potion pink and foamy!” he roared with laughter as Lily gave a weak chuckle. Reserved, Lily made her way towards James, flipping her hair so it became a red curtain between them, and she crashed dejectedly on the mahogany stool, defeat clear on her face.

  “Trying to get rid of me?” James asked, his voice part curiosity, part caution.  

  Lily snorted regaining her posture, “Hardly.”

  James looked truly surprised to Lily’s distaste at his question as he replied incredulously, “Why not?”

  She sighed, “Because if I changed partners then that would mean I don’t have any control over my passions; I you make me angry but anger is an emotion and I can control my emotions. Without that control I let you win and I _hate_ losing,” Lily spoke her last words with such ferocity she didn’t even notice James’s eyes darkening from their usual light golden flecked hazel to a deep brown.

  “Lily, do you think this is some bloody game I’m playing with you? Do you actually think this is some conquest to me?” He hissed voice disturbingly low.

  A wave of tension rolled between the two as Lily paused before speaking, in her now cool, clipped tone, “Potter, can we please just do the damn potion so I can brew in peace? There’s a new Divination professor, so I want, for once, to actually get to class on time.”

  James let out an irritated but relieved breath, momentarily letting the issue go, “ **You** take Divination?” Amusement settled in his crooked smile while Lily glared tiredly. 

  “I’ll have you know that Divination is one of the most bizarre and entertaining classes I’ve ever taken. You get to lie for an hour and be graded on it! Also the tea is fab, Strawberry-Mint was a brilliant discovery,” As she spoke her eyes lit up and James felt himself, once again, being completely engrossed in her. 

  He never wanted this rare neutral conversation with Lily to end, so while he discreetly wrote down, ‘ _Favorite tea=Strawberry-mint_ ,’ and said the first thought that came to him, “But you don’t actually believe in all that stuff that Professor Badb talks about?”

  Lily’s eyes faded a bit in annoyance, “Badby and I had a special bond where I’d humor her with my ‘vivid visions’ of floods of platform heels, and in return she would give me an ‘O’ and amuse me with her wacky rants. She thought I had the ‘second sight’ the crazy old bat,” She said fondly, pouring a vial of purple venom into the bubbling cauldron.

  “Maybe you do,” James responded, stirring in Spangle skin.

  She made a tsking sound, “Yeah right Potter, I can barely remember what I did this summer what with all the repression, let alone what will happen in the next three seconds!”

  James felt he was really getting somewhere with Lily, she had only insulted him a few times and she was smiling more then she was glaring! Then he made a mistake, “What did you do over the summer hols?”

  As her gaze hardened like wax, James cursed himself for saying what seemed to be the exact wrong thing, but unlike usual she didn’t look angry, she looked sad when she replied, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Quickly he tried to remedy the situation by doing what she had requested, “Okay.”

  “What? No prodding, no pestering?” Her tone was incredulous as she whisked the potion so quickly indigo specks oozed on her wrist.

  James was surprised at her surprise, “But you said you didn’t want to talk about it?”

  Lily let out a cry of frustration, “I did! And I don’t! But you aren’t supposed to bloody listen to me! You never have before,” her last words were spoken softly and she set her focus on anything besides him.

  “I’ve always listened Lily, just not as closely as I should have,” Sincerity seeped from his words.

  “Stop doing that!” She lashed out angrily, meeting his gaze abruptly.

  More confusion clouded James’s hazel eyes, “Doing what?”

  Now Lily’s eyes were blazing with puzzled vexation, “Using my first name! It’s weird!”

  “Why? Most people call you Lily,” He reasoned.

  “Well you’re not like most people!” She meant her statement to come across as menacing but James was grinning like a fool, at the inadvertent hope she had sparked in him.

  “No matter what you say I’m taking that as a compliment,” James replied dreamily.

  “You are a deluded wanker!” She retorted half-heartedly.

  James smirked, “Yes but I’m not like most deluded wankers.”

  “Shut up James, the potion’s turned foamy and pink.”

*^*

    


	4. Hate

Disclaimer: My ownage is of lackage. 

Note: Thanks for all the feedback I’ve been getting! 

  Hate was not something Lily was very keen on. Few things regarded hate from her, oranges, everything Phyllis Schlafly stands for, blood flavored lollies (Lily had an unfortunate experience with them during her first year) and for five years, James Potter, to her they were the only things notable enough to hate. She certainly did not _like_ James but she didn’t hate him anymore, which both relieved and frustrated her, she felt relief because activly hating someone involved a lot of work and Lily personnally didn’t want to deal with it anymore, and frustration because hating James was the only way she knew how to be in front of him. This silent truce that Lily had felt from James alarmed her in several ways, hate had been a natural reflex from him for years, and now she wasn’t exactly sure how to behave when she couldn’t just scream at him when it suited her, and that scared her.  

  As mellow as Lily usually was, she had always used James to vent her anger, whether another ignorant Slyerin had insulted her, or another teacher made a sexist comment, she could always count on a confrontation with James to, in some twisted way, comfort her. He seemed to always know where she was, much to her annoyance, so Lily was almost guaranteed to run into him constantly, much to his glee, and it would start with a simple exclaim from her, or a blurted out comment from him to get them going. Her dry wit and sarcasm collided with his charm and earnestness, until they were both trading banter like bullets. Their fights were infamous, they could go on for hours, continue throughout classes, pause for meals and keep going until one of them would cross their invisible insult line and the other would storm out, the latter role was usually cast to Lily. While they both proclaimed to one another how much they detested their fueds, secretly they both loved them. After a good argument Lily felt relaxed and satisfied, subconciously planning biting comebacks or insults the flowed off the tongue, and anticipating the next fight. There’s was a relationship of mutual neurosis, but neither truly wanted it to end.

  Lily had taken on an unhealthy amount of classes for her sixth year with the idea that she could coast seventh year, so she was taking a total of ten classes, and with Arithmancy early in the morning and Astronomy at night all of Lily’s free time would be dedicated to spending some time with her friends and learning the art of making coffee. Two days into the semester and already she was beginning to feel overwhelmed, but with the aid of caffiene and insomnia the work promised to be bearable, but as she made her way to the years first Prefect meeting all Lily could feel was dread. Take one part Mcgonnagal, Lily, and (for the most part) a bunch of overachieving sychophants, and you get two hellish hours of conflict and loathing, like watching a really bad film. 

  Marlene and Alice would be there so that was some comfort but Mcgonnagal wouldn’t allow them to talk causually, they were supposed to be setting a good “example” for the younger students, which to the professor seemed to mean being constantly miserable. To have fun at Hogwarts sometimes Lily bent the rules a smidge, being a Prefect, while cumbersome, did allow her to get away with a lot more then if she wasn’t. James thought Lily hated him because of his rule breaking when in actuality she was just brassed off that he was so awful at it; he always got caught, mostly because he wanted the glory but even so, his flaunting was his downfall. Lily, however, was never caught, she did her share of crimes but she always thought it through and talked her way out of most sticky situations, James lacked the tact. Her erratic musings were cut off by the death glare Mcgonnagal sent her as she stumbled into the Prefect meeting late.

  “So glad you could grace us with your presence, Miss Evans, I trust you won’t be late again?” Her question commanded frigidly.

  Lily bit her lip, “Um, yeah, never again, but I’m so flattered that you think I have grace Proffessor because I really-”

  “-Enough Miss Evans, your theatrics are unappreciated here,” She replied to Lily, her mouth twitching a bit with a smile.

  “As you wish, Proffesor,” Lily responded giving a dramatic curtsy, a sarcastic smirk on her face.

  Mcgonnagal rolled her eyes, “Anyway, this year is going to be very hectic what with all the problems Muggles and Wizards are facing alike. Safety is imperative, you must always…” As Mcgonnagals even voice poured throught Lily’s ears she decided to zone out for awhile.

  She found pictures in the thick golden carpet and traced patterns in the arms of her stiff wooden chair, eventually her vison started to blur and her eyes began to droop, and in an desperete attempt to stay awake Lily pulled out her fountain pen and began drawing a henna pattern on the back of her hand, hiding her work under the oak table as Mcgonnagal continued ranting out the same speech Lily had heard the previous year. The design began as a simple circle, which she began to draw curved spikes all around it, then swirls and flowers and leaves all becoming more and more complex until her entire hand was covered in dashes of ink. When the meeting ended, Mcgonnagal glared at Lily knowing full well how her art had come to be, the fifth years looked weighed down with all of the daunting responsibilities, Lily had to contain a laugh as she smirked wistfully at them. Most Prefects are given the job because of their grades, leadership abilities, and respect for authority, Lily had actvily shunned all but getting high marks, she had never thought she’d become a Prefect, she was sure one of the girls who were vying for a ministry job would have got it, they had practice in obediance, connections, and the sturdy poise that Lily had never hoped to master, but Dumbledore had chosen her, something that was an object of her ridicule for over a year. Being a Prefect had too much paperwork and not enough perks that she could abuse, but she was stuck with the post for two more years and had decided to accept it.

  Strolling through the hallway humming a tune only a flowerchild Muggle would recognize, Lily felt peckish and turned in the direction of the kitchens. All the houselves adored Lily because she was always kind to them and kept them company on the slow winter days, she had stumbled upon the kitchens when she and Alice had been sliding down the moving staircases’ banisters during second year and had heard the head boy and girl patrolling, in a fit of clumsiness Lily tripped and grabbed at the painting for support, inadvertantly tickling the pear and falling at a houseleves pointed shoes. It was alliance at first sight. Now she waltzed in there whenever she fancied, eventually she ran into the Marauders, who seemed so shocked that anyone else had walked through their council and sacredly avoided her, because she had accidentally overheard something about the full moon. The hilarious part was that Lily had known Remus was a werewolf since they learned about them in Defense class, and one very amusing conversation with James who hadn’t exactly mastered the practice of secret keeping confirmed it, it wasn’t very difficult to figure out, he became sickly before the full moon, was absent, and then returned looking normal, the James Potter brigade wasn’t nearly as secretive as they liked to believe.

  It didn’t bother her, Remus being a werewolf, she had imagined it would but it didn’t, obviously Dumbledore was aware of it and she trusted Dumbledore above all. So she continued to haunt the kitchens, delighting in how uncomfortable the boys were whenever they happened to clash, it was just another game for her. Humming even louder as she approached the portrait Lily tickled the pear and stepped causually into the busy kitchen. Almost immediately a petite creature rushed towards her, panic always in her large eyes, “’ello Miss. Evans, would you like something to eat or drink? We just made some pudding-”

-“Relax Tinky; I just want a Firewhiskey malt, okay?” On occasion Lily indulged in chocolate malt spiked with some Firewhiskey, it was against the school rules but the Houselves used the alcohol for cooking and she’d had a long day and was looking forward to a little buzz.

  “Of course Miss! Tinky will get it now!” Lily had to repress the urge to roll her eyes at Tinky’s franticness, she wondered how high the heart attack rate among Houselves was, and she wondered if they could even get heart attacks. 

  “Firewhiskey, eh? Didn’t think you one for drinks of the alcoholic variety Evans,” Sirius Black remarked, biting a hunk out of the blueberry muffin in his hands.

  Recovering from the interruption of her wandering thoughts she swirled around to face him a reserved glance on her face, “You, thinking? That’s seems strange Black, because you know thinking involves the odd thought,” she drawled, leaning against a wall determinedly, he didn’t fool her with his intimidating stance and fake lower-class accent, she knew he was an upper-class teddy bear inside. 

  “You never back down do you Evans? Tell me, is it hard being that much of a bitch?” Sirius volleyed back, the knowing look she gave him struck several nerves.

  Lily pretended to think about it, “Hmm I’m not quite sure, tell me, it is hard being such an effing bastard? Because believe me, you make it look easy.”

  “Don’t talk to me like you bloody know me!” He knew he’d promised James to lay off the redhead but their confrontation had been brewing for years.

  “As if I don’t! You think you and your lot of friends are complex? Please you all are so bloody simple to figure out,” She hated fighting with Sirius, they argued to hurt each other, not for some perverse kind of fun like she and James did.

  “Fine! Enlighten me,” Sirius crossed his arms challengingly, while poor Tinky wordlessly handed Lily her malt.

  Taking a long drag of the milkshake like it was a cigarette, Lily looked him coolly in the eyes, “James is easy, your leader, the one you all turn to,” she looked down at her henna trying not to let any of her admiration slip into her tone, “that much is obvious, and Peter, god bloody Pettigrew is loyal, he would follow you off a bridge if you asked it of him, he may whine and be afraid but in the end he would still support you till the end. Remus is your anchor; he mediates between all of you gits, never wavers, the dependable one. And you, well you are a free spirit, or at least you try to be,” Her analyzing gaze bore into him, “and well, you know your reputation.”

  “What is my reputation?” He asked in-between anger and curiosity. 

  Now Lily did roll her eyes, sipping her malt, loving the feeling of flames rushing down her throat in charring slurps, she replied, “You know what I’m talking about, lots of Gryffindor girls love to discuss you and whoever you recently snogged or shagged, it depends on who is gossiping.”

  “And what do you think?” Asking her seemed perfectly logical for how insane it was.

  “Well I never participate, except to tell the lot of them to get a life or to shut the hell up, again it depends on the person, because frankly you repulse me in many ways so I have no need to discuss your sex life,” Lily shrugged.

  Sirius smiled, “I repulse you?”

  “As a rule, yes, I mean you almost snogged me in third year as you recall,” his smile fell of his face, “but then James gave you one of the most brilliant looks I have ever beheld, I swear it could melt the flesh off of someone, so I really don’t have much of an opinion on you and/or your lips,” she took a few steps towards him, pleased at his confused face, he had never met a girl as blunt as Lily was, she shocked him.

  “But I’ve always wondered,” and before he could begin to comprehend her, she bent down and kissed him firmly, maybe it was the alcohol or her own ulterior motives but either way Sirius did not expect this. 

  He was so surprised that before he could push her away she broke off from him, wiped her mouth and looked at him, “Now that wasn’t that great, I expected more of you Black, the girls must all be mad. Oh well, at least now I know. Thanks for the malt Tinky, goodbye Black,” and with that she left the room leaving a very stunned Sirius Black in her wake, as she hummed her way back to the common room, grinning at the new game she now had.

*^*

  Now, before you all hate me, let it be known that there will be no L/S in this fic, I’m L/J all the way, but I couldn’t contain the urge to have Lily kiss the infamous player Sirius and insult him afterwards, let me know what you think. 

Disclaimer:

Note: So sorry for the slow update! I dislocated my knee and wasn’t allowed upstairs to my computer for an eternity! 

   

Have you ever read a book and when you finished you just felt this click, like everything makes sense for that one moment? Well I did when I read "Manifesta: Young women, femminism and the future", I felt this fire of indignation, as Manifesta showed all the sexist parts of society, the injustices and the oppression, now I may sound overdramatic but I have become a passionate femminist because of this book; since then I've read articles by second and third wavers, surfed femminist sites, and subscribed to Bust magazine, the coolest femme glossy around.

There are so many issues the third wave are dealing with, reproductive rights, rape, domestic violence, gay rights, the equal rights ammendment, the media, at every corner of life there is some femminist involvement. Did you know that on average most mainstream magazines (Such as Time, Newsweek, Spin, Rolling Stone, ect) there are about two women writers out of over twenty? Or that only 7% of philantropic dollars go to womens organizations? How about that politicians can still make laws that screw over women?

I almost cried when I read my newspapers head line, Parental Consent on abortions law passed, I beat my punching bag to a metaphorical pulp while screaming about how a bunch of middle aged white males are deciding what teenage girls can do with their bodies. Senetor Hilary Clinton (who voted against the bill) remarked, "We're going to sacrifice a lot of girls' lives," but I digress.

I actively want political changes, and I want them right now. 

Have you ever read a book and when you finished you just felt this click, like everything makes sense for that one moment? Well I did when I read "Manifesta: Young women, femminism and the future", I felt this fire of indignation, as Manifesta showed all the sexist parts of society, the injustices and the oppression, now I may sound overdramatic but I have become a passionate femminist because of this book; since then I've read articles by second and third wavers, surfed femminist sites, and subscribed to Bust magazine, the coolest femme glossy around.

There are so many issues the third wave are dealing with, reproductive rights, rape, domestic violence, gay rights, the equal rights ammendment, the media, at every corner of life there is some femminist involvement. Did you know that on average most mainstream magazines (Such as Time, Newsweek, Spin, Rolling Stone, ect) there are about two women writers out of over twenty? Or that only 7% of philantropic dollars go to womens organizations? How about that politicians can still make laws that screw over women?

I almost cried when I read my newspapers head line, Parental Consent on abortions law passed, I beat my punching bag to a metaphorical pulp while screaming about how a bunch of middle aged white males are deciding what teenage girls can do with their bodies. Senetor Hilary Clinton (who voted against the bill) remarked, "We're going to sacrifice a lot of girls' lives," but I digress.

I actively want political changes, and I want them right now. 

   


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